I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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