is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
