I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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