Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
