2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
