i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
