I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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