I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
how drunk are you?
Several
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
