i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
When are your genitals available?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
