I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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