My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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