I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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