so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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