4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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