Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
