I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
