I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
