I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
