Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
