I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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