I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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