I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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