I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
