Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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