could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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