Your tits are I can't wait for
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
