Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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