Umm I'm too high to move.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
