i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
