just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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