apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
