You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
