proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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