How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
