Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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