He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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