I think I won the penis lottery.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
