are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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