i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
