Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
then he tried to convert me to islam
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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