absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
