dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
