Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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