i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
