My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
