I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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