you guys were way drunker than both of me
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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