Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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