arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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