are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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