dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
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