ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
