Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
